Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
