Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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