Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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