Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
