i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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