I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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