did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
