No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
