Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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