my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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