omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
