Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
