And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
