Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
