Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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