If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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