Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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