Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i out mim tonsoeep
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
