the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
