I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I deserve this hangover.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
