I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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