Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
