we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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