I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
