I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
