can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
