I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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