All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
