Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
