If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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