Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
