Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
