I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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