I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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