found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
