Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
