i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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