Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
