Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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