shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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