I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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