FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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