I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
