this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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