Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
