The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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