New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
