You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I intend to get homeless drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
