where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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