i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
