where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
