either way he was missing a nipple.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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