I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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