just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
