I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
