he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
