come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
