the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
