you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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