For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
