I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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