You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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