i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
