I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
FUCK WHALES
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
