yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
