Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
