you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
