the day after is always just damage control
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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