Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
