Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
