We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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