this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
