The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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