So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
