I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
