Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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