the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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