oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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