btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
