smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
